April 28, 2017
The one person in the whole circle jerk who has been consistent – from the time he announced his candidacy to whatever he tweeted out this morning – is Donald Trump. He’s been the same basic model for as long as I can remember, back to the mid-1980s when he alternated between bragging about what a great deal-maker he was and declaring bankruptcy. For over three decades, an alternately admiring and indignant public has swirled around the Donald like desert around the Giza Pyramids, but he remains unaffected by the shifting sands of love, outrage, adulation, distrust, worship and mockery. I defy you to identify a single public figure who has changed as little as Donald Trump.
President Trump is an easy target in so, so many other ways; he is the ultimate comedic low-hanging fruit. Why attack him for being himself? His consistency may be his only real virtue. Do we not know that Donald Trump speaks poorly? Do we not know that Donald Trump tweets like Archie Bunker yelling at Meathead? Would you yell at a fish for swimming? Of course not. It’s a fish. Would you yell at a falling rock for losing altitude? A Jehovah’s witness for knocking on a door? Do you lose your mind every time you see a hooker wearing three-inch heels? It’s time we all accepted the Donald Trump won the election, and that he’s our president.
That doesn’t mean we have to let him get away with anything. Every parent knows little boys need to be watched closely. because they are too dumb to keep their fingers out of light sockets and they eat paint chips. Put training wheels on Air Force One if you want, and childproof the Lincoln bedroom. Make him wear a helmet during cabinet meetings, and never, ever leave him alone in the situation room.
But we have to stop freaking out because Donald Trump is Donald Trump. We get it; you don’t like the son of a bitch. What else ya got?